Windows H8

I went on vacation last week and had to use a Windows 8 PC for a few days. I am married to Windows 7 after using it for a few months now. After using XP for like a century, I was a little sceptical about 7 after the clusterloving that was Vista, but instead it turned my machine into Jarvis from the Iron Man trilogy. So now, after using the W8 machine for a few days, here is a list of reasons why Windows 8 is the next big thing to downgrade from.

For context: The W8 PC has no touch screen, and the administrator account was already set up so I did not get to witness the installation process. There are some settings on the admin user where I am not sure if they are default settings or if they were set up that way.

• I don't have a Windows Live or Hotmail account, so to create a new user for the machine, it requires my full name, e-mail address, password, re-enter password, mailing address, date of birth, secret question, bank account pin number, favourite Beatle, and full names and social security numbers of all of my third cousins. Just to make a new Windows user. So for the time being, my name is Guest.
• When I hover the cursor over the upper edge of the desktop, it turns into a hand. Drag it to the left or right, and I end up in the booby trap that I have decided to call the Negative Zone. (Screenshot) The ESC button - the most obvious button that I go on instinct - doesn't do jack shit, but rather I need to press the Windows button to get back, or drag that vertical border thing over to the left or to the right. 
• The Negative Zone is much like a second Desktop, but it more resembles the screen you see when watching commercials for W8, with the blue-purplish background. It's made for touch screens, and thus navigating it with a mouse can be hazardous to my mental health, so I immediately find the Desktop thumbnail or press the Windows button to go back.
• Hover the cursor over the clock - or the now invisible Show Desktop button - and a bunch of buttons appear (Search, Share, Start, Devices, Settings), as well as a larger version of the same clock, on the bottom-left side of the screen.  When I click Share, I get the message "Nothing can be shared from the Desktop." so I still don't know what it's for. As Guest, the larger clock seemed to appear completely at random.
• Logged into the Guest account, I (most definitely did not go to The Pirate Bay and) installed Minecraft, which, for reason that escape me, is always installed in (C:\users\[administrator account]\appdata\roaming\...). So now I need to access that folder to get to the application file to launch the game. But even after clicking "Yes this program will not infect me with an alien facehugger" a bunch of times, and entering the admin password, Appdata simply does not appear within the admin user's folder. And so I must log in as the computer's administrator in order to play the game. 
• Minecraft, especially for a game that looks like Minecraft, is choppy and "runs out of memory" after like 10 minutes of playing. Seriously. This is after I updated Java and made certain that the hardware could handle it.
• I tried to open a .doc file (not .docx), and instead of asking me which program I want to use to open it, I got this box. Notice how there's no mention of Wordpad. That's because when I opened it in Wordpad, it displayed all the text that was in the file - and dozens of pages of gibberish to go along with it. I could be wrong, but I was under the impression that WordPad was capable of opening a .doc file by default, but I guess someone forgot to tell Windows 8 that.
• Under the Guest account, I can not even look at the Network Connections. So if I want to know my IP address, I have to open a command prompt and type ipconfig.
• As the Admin user, jpegs opened with a program called "Photo". The pic opens, and there are no buttons, menus, nothing. When I click X to close it, I am brought back to the Negative Zone, with no indication as to how to return, and displayed is the message "All your photo sources are hidden." I do not have a clue what this means.
• Browsing Reddit. Open a .gif file. First play is, as usual, choppier than a lumberjack. Animation ends, last frame of the .gif remains. In order to play it again, I have to reload the page. 
• The Start button looks like it's sponsored by Shell. MS, the average user doesn't know what a Windows Shell is. Even I don't understand the difference between "Shell" and "User Interface"
• Under the Programs menu, Accessories has become Windows Accessories. Finally MS has listened to the legions of users asking for this.
• Highlight something and press Delete, and it disappears without any confirmation. This is slightly offset by the last point...
• Maybe stupidest of all, opened Recycle Bin and head hit desk. There is no "Empty the Recycle Bin" button anywhere to be found. I actually have to right-click the desktop icon and find it in that menu. 

I think I see the pattern here. After XP sales dropped, Vista caused sales for both Vista and XP to soar. Not that I'm implying that Microsoft would ever employ any deceitful or manipulative marketing strategies. Oh well, Apple is still way worse.